


The Whore or the Founding Father

by BlazingStarInInkyBlackness



Series: Money and Love [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Drug Use, Eating Disorders, Healthy Relationships, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Self-Harm, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-06-09 01:21:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15256290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness/pseuds/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness
Summary: Alexander is on the road to recovery. He has to be. Unfortunately Thomas isn't dealing very well with what Alexander did. Lafayette is still reeling from what he did to Aaron. Eliza is struggling to piece together her life. Aaron is refusing to get help and is instead insisting he's fine. This is, of course, the perfect time to throw a new foster child into the mix.But with King hunting for Thomas's love and willing to play dirty, Adams and Reynolds's trial coming up and Aaron's uncle about to be released from prison, recovery might be even more difficult than they could have imagined.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Stick with it. Just trust me as an author, okay?  
> Also pls go check out Alis Volat Propriis which is my newest fic, I'm very proud of it and it's great and angsty.

Amanda lay in bed, curled in on herself. Her stomach growled and she felt tears streaking down her face. She could hear shouts from the apartment next door and knew that the hits would start soon.

The door slammed shut and Amanda slowly sat up. She heard footsteps stumbling in for several moments until a heavy slam came down on the wall. Amanda flinched as his door banged open. Her father stood in the doorway, swaying on his feet.

“Get up,” The man snarled out. Amanda scrambled to her feet and stared up at him, trembling slightly. “Shirt off.”

“Dad-” Amanda was cut off by a sharp slap across her face. She stumbled a few paces before she looked back. His father advanced, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and slamming him into the wall.

“I told you to keep your mother clean! Now she’s in the living room passed out! Can’t you do anything right, you stupid girl?”

Amanda felt herself be thrown to the floor and winced but didn’t dare make a noise. She knew that would make everything worse.

“Fucking listen to me, Amanda!”

“I’m sorry,” Amanda whispered. She looked back up and met her father’s eyes.

“Your mother shot up in the living room while you were fucking meant to be looking after her!”

“I-” Amanda glanced behind her and her father surged forwards, kicking her squarely in the ribs. She fell onto her back and he towered above her. Tears streaked down her face as she stared up.

“You’re fucking pathetic, you know that? Pathetic!”

“I’m sorry,” Amanda whispered again, words no louder than a breath.

“Who the hell am I meant to fuck now, huh?” The man snarled out. “Huh?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know.” Amanda shuffled backwards just in time for her father to aim a solid kick at her head, causing her to pass out.

 

Amanda woke to the sun shining onto her face. She looked up for a moment and went to sit up before a wave of dizziness hit her and she lay back down. She glanced at the floor and froze as she saw the blood stained into the carpet. She touched it gently to find it was deeply embedded. She began to scrub at it, feeling desperate tears rising in her eyes

She had to clean it. She had to clean it or the punishment would be ten times worse. Amanda searched around in desperation before she spotted a textbook. She grabbed it and pulled it over the blood smattered carpet.

She then paused.

Textbook. The textbook meant school. School meant people seeing. But she couldn’t miss another day, she’d already been given an official warning. Amanda whimpered before she wiped her eyes and stood. She had to do this.

Her school clothes were beginning to smell but there weren’t any obvious stains on them yet. She shrugged them on, wincing as she realised all her underwear was already dirty. She hated going to school like that, how the other kids avoided her or picked on her but she couldn’t help it.

Not unless her parents wanted to get personality changes.

Amanda hobbled over to the pile of half completed homework she’d done the night before and shoved it into her bag before she slung the bag over her shoulder. She then crept out of her room. The door to the living room was open just a crack and Amanda pushed it open. Her mother was lying in the centre of the floor on her back, vomit caked around her mouth. Her legs were open and she was naked from the waist down.

Amanda crept into the room and slowly shook her.

“Mom?” Amanda whispered. Her mother didn’t respond. “Mom, you gotta get up.” Amanda frowned before she slowly pressed two fingers against her mother’s throat, just like she’d been taught in her first aid class a month ago.

There was no rhythm against her fingers and Amanda swallowed down a whimper. She must just be looking in the wrong place. She moved her fingers again but she couldn’t feel anything.

“Mom?” Amanda muttered. She could feel tears rising in her eyes. “Mom, you- you gotta- Mom, please wake up.” Amanda sniffed slightly and laid her head against her mother’s chest. She screwed her eyes shut and listened desperately.

After a few seconds Amanda sat back and stared down at her mother. There was no tell-tale rise and fall of her chest. There was no warmth to her skin. There was nothing.

Her mother was dead.

Amanda stood slowly. She wasn’t even sure if she was controlling herself anymore. She took a slow step forwards before she stopped again. Her mother was dead.

The walk to the bus was done in silence. Amanda felt sick with every step as she left her apartment building, left the body of her mother in the living room. Everything felt wrong but it felt muted.

The children on the bus stared at her but she didn’t care or wipe away the tears that were dripping down her cheeks.

When the entrance to the school appeared Amanda stepped off the bus and walked forwards. She felt so numb.

As she walked past, people fell silent but she didn’t stop as she made her way to homeroom and sank down into her chair at the back of the room. She stared straight ahead and continued to quietly sob, the tears dropping onto the desk as she did so.

Without her mother, her father would only get worse.

“Amanda?”

Amanda looked up to see her teacher crouched next to her. Her voice was soft and behind her Amanda could see the entirety of the class staring at her. Amanda nodded weakly.

“We need to go to the Principal’s office, okay?” The woman whispered. Amanda stood slowly and moved robotically after the woman, not caring. All she could think of was the sensation of dead flesh under her fingers as her warm tears dropped onto her mother’s still body.

People in the corridor turned to stare as Amanda walked past but Amanda didn’t care. Couldn’t care.

Her teacher tried to shield her from some of the stares but couldn’t as the whispers started up. They reached the Principal’s office and Amanda stared up at the man.

“Amanda, what’s happened?” He asked softly. Amada blinked for a moment before she looked down.

“Amanda, you’re covered in blood and you’re crying,” her teacher started. “I know you’re having a hard time at school but is something going on at home? Do you want us to call your mom?”

Amanda began to sob at that and covered her face. She felt dried blood on it that she had forgotten about but she couldn’t bring herself to care. It felt like there was a void in her heart, a gulf that would never be filled.

Her mother wasn’t perfect. She scratched Amanda and there was that one time she’d broken her arm but she was her mother.

“I’m going to call her father,” The principal whispered.

“No!” Amanda shrieked. “No he- he’ll be mad! I- I got him mad and I- I can’t!”

“Then talk to us, Amanda.”

“My mom’s dead,” Amanda whispered. Both the adults froze. “Her heart wasn’t beating. I- I checked. I know I did! And it wasn’t there. I don’t know where my dad is but he’s gonna be so mad at me. He- he always gets mad at me when he says he can’t fuck my mom and yesterday he said he might have to do it to me and I’m scared!” Amanda pulled back and continued to cry. “I’m scared.”

The adults exchanged glances for a moment before the principal spoke.

“Amanda, well done for telling us this. It’s all going to be alright now. I’m going to call an ambulance for your mother, so they can see if anything can be done. Where was she?”

“In the living room. Half naked. Like- like dad always leaves her.” Amanda wiped her nose on her sleeve.

“At your house?”

“Yeah.”

“I have her address,” the principal said. “And I’ll call CPS. We need to get her rehomed immediately.”

Amanda glanced up at him and curled in on herself. She didn’t care anymore. She just did not care.

 

Amanda sat in the car watching the sun set. The radio sang something out but she wasn’t listening to it. She wanted to disappear. She wanted to be back home. She wanted so many things.

Apparently she wasn’t getting any of it.

“I trust these people very much, Amanda. They’ve been very good at taking in young children who are troubled,” The social worker said from the front of the car. Amanda nodded dully. “There hasn’t been a single complaint. Well there was some nasty business but it was the child, not the parents. A real messed up boy. You can’t help them all.”

“What happened to him?”

“I don’t know. I think he ran off to be with his partner. Then he turns up months later-” The social worker paused and sighed. “It doesn’t matter. I can’t imagine he’ll be in the house much longer. He’ll age out of the system and you’ll be fine.”

“Will he hurt me?”

“No. He can’t. Not in the state he’s in.”

Amanda shuddered at that and turned away, staring out the window again. She paused as the car rolled to a stop.

“Come on. We’re here.”

Amanda stared up at the house in front of her with trepidation. It was a house, just like every single house on the street but she’d been told this one was special. This one would make her happy. This one would make her forget finding the body of her mother in the living room.

She followed the man out of the car and brought her school bag, the only item she had in her possession. The two made their way up the stairs of the house one by one until the social worker knocked on the door.

Amanda shifted nervously as the door opened and a gangly teen stared down at her. His hair was barely contained by the high ponytail it was in. He smiled gently as he saw her.

“Can I help you?”

“I need to speak to George Washington.”

“He is busy, is there something I can help with?” The teenager had a heavy accent that Amanda couldn’t quite place.

“I need to speak to him right away.”

The teenager frowned before he turned and called into the house for the man. Amanda stared down at the floor until she heard footsteps approaching. She looked up to see an enormous man towering above her. She was short, both for her age and in general and this man seemed to only emphasise that.

“Ryan, this isn’t a good-” The man- Washington, Amanda presumed- broke off as he saw Amanda. “I can’t take in another child, Ryan.”

“Please, George. You’re my fifth attempt. Every other house in New York is full. So that means I drive through the night with her. She found the body of her mother, she needs stability, even if it’s only for a bit. We both know you can give that to her.”

“Ryan…” Washington sighed and Amanda looked down as tears sprang to her eyes. “Alexander was released from the hospital today. He’s suicidal. He’s a danger to himself that I need to watch constantly. Lafayette and Aaron are struggling with this so much and I have a school to run. I can’t look after four children, not now.”

“Come on, just for the night? I’ll spend it calling around other houses.”

“It’ll change into more than just the night. I have to put my foot down. I have to-”

“Look after her,” The gangly teen muttered. He glanced at Washington. “She found her mother’s body?”

“Lafayette, do you think we’re equipped to look after her? Do you think we can look after her? Or should we just-”

“Give her to Adams?” Lafayette asked. Washington paused and Amanda frowned. “We have to look after her, George. No-one else will.”

Washington glanced back at Amanda and sighed. He slowly nodded.

“We’ll look after her for the night. If she causes problems with Alexander she will have to go. I will not compromise his safety.”

“Thank you,” The social worker said as he ushered Amanda inside. She went easily and stared around at the sheer money that emanated from the contents of the house. “I have some paperwork you need to fill out, come on, Amanda.”

“Lafayette go get Aaron for supper,” Washington said with a sigh. Amanda paused and turned to Lafayette, tugging gently on his sleeve.

“I need the loo,” Amanda whispered. Lafayette smiled.

“Down the corridor, to the right. There is a full bathroom there. Now I must get my brother.”

With that, the two parties left Amanda alone in the hallway. She sniffed gently before she walked down the hallway. She reached the end and slowly opened the door on the left. The room was pitch black and she frowned as she realised she was stepping on carpet, not tile.

Amanda felt along the wall for a light switch and flipped it on. When she did she jumped and let out a shriek of fear. There was a boy sat in a wheelchair in the centre of the room. He looked beyond half starved, cheekbones poking out far more than they should be. Both his hands were wrapped in bandages, one focused on the palm of the hand, the other the wrist. His leg was wrapped in plaster and there were small cuts across his face.

When she walked in he had been asleep but at her yelp he sat bolt upright and stared at her in confusion. She stared back for a moment, quivering, before she realised he wasn’t going to attack.

She slowly took a step forwards and the boy frowned but didn’t say a word.

“L-Lafayette said this was the bathroom?” Amanda said quietly. The boy remained silent, just watching her with those calculating brown eyes. She glanced around the room and noticed how blank everything looked. There was no clutter on the floor, the desk was empty, there were no posters. She shuddered as she realised this was what the Washingtons could get away with behind their golden fences. “D-did George do this to you?”

The boy slowly shook his head at that before he moved it to the side. Amanda frowned and stepped forwards again. She didn’t understand why the boy wasn’t speaking.

“W-who did?” There was no reply from the boy apart from a shudder. Amanda took another step forwards and stared at his head. It was shaven clean, with only a few centimetres of hair left. “B-bad people? There- there seem to be a lot of them.”

“They’re good at hiding,” The boy whispered. Amanda stared at him and nodded solemnly. The boy then averted his eyes and shivered.

“My dad’s a bad person,” Amanda admitted. “I- I lied but I don’t have to and I don’t wanna. He- he killed my mom.” The boy slowly looked up at that. “I- I’m your new foster sister.” Amanda finally drew level to the boy and realised she had to look up slightly to see him. He seemed to realise this at the same time and smiled softly.

“Pipsqueak,” He whispered. Amanda scowled and crossed her arms but before she could say anything a cough rang out. Amanda turned to see Lafayette in the doorway.

“Alexander? Are you-”

Amanda turned back to the boy and saw him staring demurely at the floor, as if he’d been ordered to. Lafayette stepped forwards and Alexander flinched back. Amanda frowned and Lafayette sighed.

“Supper- supper is on the table.” His words were met with silence. “Your nutritionist told you to eat. It- it is your favourite.” His voice began to sound moist as it filled with tears. “To celebrate- celebrate having you back with us.”

“What happened to him?” Amanda asked quietly. Lafayette sighed.

“A story for him to tell. But not now. Maybe not until you are much, much older. Now come, the bathroom is the other door.”

“His name is Alexander?” Amanda asked Lafayette who nodded. She turned to Alexander and smiled. “See you later, Alexander.”

There was no reaction as Amanda left the room. Just as she stood in the doorway Alexander spoke up. His voice was thin and reedy, as if someone was pushing air through a compressed tube.

“Goodbye, Pipsqueak.”


	2. Chapter 2

Amanda stared down at her meal in front of her and stared up at the people around her in amazement.

“This is all for me?” Amanda asked in surprise. Lafayette nodded. Alexander sat next to Amanda, not touching anything. Amanda glanced at him. “Are you eating?”

Alexander glanced at Washington before he stared back down at his lap and shook his head. Amanda glanced at Washington as well who scowled before she slowly reached under the table. She found Alexander’s arm and gently squeezed it, avoiding the bandages she could see. He stared at her for a moment in shock.

“Amanda, leave him,” Washington commanded. The change in Alexander was instant. He looked away from her and stiffened, apart from his legs which opened ever so slightly.

Aaron was sat next to Alexander and he saw the changes. He stared at Alexander for a long moment before he put down his knife and fork.

“Are we just going to pretend nothing happened?” Aaron whispered. Alexander glanced at him, hands shaking ever so slightly.

“Aaron, eat your meal,” Washington commanded. Aaron tensed and Lafayette glanced around, swallowing nervously. Amanda watched it all with wide eyes.

“We can’t just carry on like happy families and foster a new kid!” Aaron snapped out. Amanda shifted at that. She knew they didn’t want her but she’d hoped she’d make it to the morning at least before they kicked her out.

“Aaron, hush,” Lafayette murmured. “This is not the place.”

“She could be anywhere! But she ends up here?” Aaron snapped out. “In this house? Today? We can’t fucking look after her!”

“Language!” Washington snapped out. Aaron paused for a moment, fear flashing through his eyes but then he pressed on.

“Or are we just going to ignore the fact that Alexander was raped and beaten for months because we couldn’t fucking protect him?” Aaron shouted, standing. Alexander flinched ever so slightly and drew in a shaky breath. Amanda stared at him, open mouthed.

Lafayette stood and put a hand on Aaron’s arm.

“Not here, Aaron, not now.”

“When? When the next threat comes along? When the next psycho who wants to fuck one of us comes here? Who next? You?” Aaron shook Lafayette off and turned to face Washington across the table. “This is your fault! This is all your fault!”

“Stop,” Alexander whispered, voice barely audible. His eyes were screwed tight shut and he was trembling. Amanda stared at him but the other occupants of the room were staring at Aaron.

“Sit down Aaron and maybe we can have a reasonable discussion,” Washington growled out, anger tinging his voice.

“Really? You think we can have a reasonable discussion when Alexander is hurt this fucking badly? He tried to kill himself!”

Amanda glanced at Alexander who looked back, scared. She blinked in horror before she turned back to the argument growing.

“And he will start therapy and he will get better!” Washington stated, “Son, sit down and eat your meal.”

“Is that an order?” Aaron snapped out. Amanda felt herself tensing and saw Alexander do the same, if that was even possible. He was ramrod straight and looked a few seconds away from throwing up.

“Aaron, sit down,” Lafayette murmured, staring at Washington who in turn was glaring at Aaron.

“Do something!” Aaron screamed, slamming the table with both hands. Washington stood and Amanda flinched back. Alexander trembled but remained frozen in place as Washington strode over to Aaron.

“You are my foster child,” Washington barked out, barely keeping himself from shouting. “And you are under my roof. You will not talk to me like that.”

“Why? Do I gotta get naked first?” Aaron spat out. Alexander suddenly frowned and seemed to come out of his trance. “Gonna beat me? Fuck me?” Aaron stared up into Washington’s face. “What?”

Washington took in a deep breath and shook his head.

“Take your meal and go to your room, Aaron.”

“Wh-what?” Aaron stuttered out. Real fear flashed over his eyes for a moment before Washington sighed.

“If you can’t be civil enough to eat with us then you will eat alone. When you’re done, bring the plate back down and see if you’ve calmed down enough to apologise.”

Aaron blinked in surprise and glanced at Amanda. He then glanced at Alexander and seemed to notice the state he was in for the first time. His face dropped but he took his food and scurried from the room.

Washington took in a deep breath and sank down into his chair again. He looked up at Amanda.

“You may have noticed, we are… not the average household. Aaron- has been acting out for a while. I had hoped he wouldn’t do it tonight.”

“Do you do that?” Amanda whispered. “Fuck him?”

“No.” Washington stated, a hard edge to his voice. “Aaron-” he sighed and turned to Lafayette who was staring despondently into his food. “Lafayette, you’re in a better position to explain.”

“Sure, let me spill my best friend’s secrets.” Lafayette mumbled. He stabbed at his food before he looked up and sighed. “Aaron- Aaron was abused. Hit, at a young age. Orphaned even younger. Lived with his uncle. Who- who was not a good man.”

“Did he fuck him?” Amanda asked softly. The table fell silent and Amanda shuddered. Washington sighed.

“Amanda, I don’t know if this is the right house for you. Not because of who you are but because of the struggles the people in this house are already going through.” Washington stood, leaving his half eaten dinner behind. Amanda stared after him and then glanced at Alexander who had relaxed with him out of the room.

“Should I call my social worker?” Amanda asked Lafayette quietly. Lafayette sighed and shook his head.

“Punishment,” Alexander rasped out. They both turned to stare at him. He coughed weakly before trying again, his voice still so very weak. “Aaron wants a punishment.”

“What?” Amanda asked in confusion. Lafayette’s brow was also furrowed.

“Guilt,” Alexander whispered before he fell silent. Even that small amount of talking seemed to have exhausted him and he shivered as he laid back in his chair.

“You think he blames himself for you,” Lafayette said softly. Alexander quirked an eyebrow and Lafayette sighed. “Of course he does. Amanda, Alexander, I shall see you later. It seems I must have another conversation with Aaron about blame.”

Amanda watched him go before she turned back to Alexander who was staring at the food in front of him.

“Can you even pick up a fork?” Amanda asked. He smiled slightly before he shook his head. “Then… why are you here? Why not let you stay in your room?”

“Anti-social.” Alexander sighed and slowly reached for his fork. He tried to hold it but it slipped through his fingers. He watched it clatter onto the ground and sighed. “Need a carer. Can’t be touched. Useless.” He spat the word out and shook. Amanda frowned.

She picked the fork up and scooped up a bit of the food on Alexander’s plate, holding it to his mouth. He stared at her warily.

“Choo choo?” Amanda asked. Alexander smiled and slowly opened his mouth to accept the fork. He slowly chewed the food, jaw moving slower and slower until he just froze. The next moment he spat the food out and shivered, pressing himself back.

Amanda stared at him with no idea of what to do.

“Alexander?”

“Just go,” Alexander whispered. Amanda stared at him before she slowly nodded and turned on her heel. She tried to ignore the rasping sob she heard as she left the room.

She walked up the stairs to her room and saw a bundle of clothes on her bed. She picked through them for a moment, frowning. They were all several sizes too big for her. She pulled a shirt out and tugged it on. The sleeves drooped over the end of her arms and the neck hole slid down over her shoulder.

Amanda knew she must look ridiculous but these clothes were soft and clean. There was a fresh set of underwear, still in their store bought wrapping and she smiled at that. So what if all her clothes were meant for men? She’d always found male clothes to be more comfortable after all.

Her mother had hit her when she’d first said that, hit her hard enough for her ears to ring for the rest of the day. Then she’d thrown a dress at Amanda which she’d worn dutifully. It wasn’t that she disliked wearing dresses or skirts, she just got a thrill when she saw that tiny M on the label. Yet another reason why she was a freak.

Amanda pulled on a pair of loose trousers and stared down at herself. She looked tiny in the clothes and they revealed far too many bruises. But they were clean and they were soft.

She crawled into her bed and snuggled down, wondering just what had happened to Alexander. He looked destroyed, not just hurt but as if someone or something had systematically taken every good thing and destroyed it.

Amanda sniffled as she huddled down further and hoped, selfishly she knew, that the monsters who hurt the boy wouldn’t ever come looking for her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm at a really tough point in my life rn. I know updates for 10 dollars were insanely fast- that was because I was using it to ignore real life problems. Now I'm dealing with them. I won't go into detail here because I know most people aren't interested. This fic will be finished but I cannot guarantee regular updates or speedy updates. It's just not possible. Fanfic is my escape from life and the moment it becomes a burden as well then I'm likely to drop it so please don't be a dick, understand that I'm a person with a life and real world responsibilities.  
> Also, warning for uh, dub con? Idk. Definitely not good sex in this chapter but I don't think it could /quite/ be called non con

Thomas lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He could feel his phone buzzing but he ignored it. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.

_Blood flowed over his hands and Thomas screamed as he pressed down harder. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be happening._

Thomas sniffled and stood, grabbing his phone. It was something at least, something to anchor him to the present.

**From: King**

**Fucking send me another picture Thomas**

**From: King**

**I’m horny, come on!**

**From: King**

**[Image enclosed]**

**From: King**

**Wanna feel you again**

_Nothing felt real as Thomas just stared at the blood coating his hands. The sirens faded into nothing and he was left alone once more._

**To: King**

**Please stop**

**From: King**

**Come on, Tommy. Come to my house and I’ll show you a good time**

_The shower couldn’t go hot enough to scrub off the blood as Thomas broke down, sobbing. He scrubbed at his hands but he could feel the blood, feel Alexander’s life seeping out of him. He threw up again, watching it sink down the drain._

**From: King**

**Or send me a pic**

**To: King**

**Please just leave me alone**

Thomas sniffed and swapped over to his other conversations. There had to be something to make him feel something other than this dead sensation in his chest.

**From: James**

**Thomas, are you alright?**

**From: James**

**You weren’t in school today. Is something going on?**

**From: James**

**Please, Thomas. Just a text**

**From: James**

**No-one is expecting you to be okay. We just need to know you’re still alive**

**From: James**

**Please Thomas**

**From: Hercules**

**Look, we don’t talk but James is scared. You alright, mate?**

**From: Angelica**

**I’m here to talk, Thomas. You don’t have to go through this alone**

**From: Angelica**

**You’re scaring me, Tom. Please**

Thomas turned away before he turned back to King’s conversation.

**To: King**

**Can you get hold of some pot?**

**From: King**

**Yeah?**

**To: King**

**I’ll be at your house in half an hour then**

**From: King**

**I’ll get the lube ready ;)**

Thomas swallowed down his disgust and grabbed his coat. He called out a goodbye to his parents and ran to the end of the road. He walked, trying his hardest to forget. He wasn’t cheating, how could he cheat? His boyfriend had abandoned him three months ago. He’d been raped and beaten every day while Thomas lived a normal life.

By the time Thomas got to King’s house the empty feeling in his stomach eclipsed everything else. King was waiting and the boy kissed Thomas deeply.

“Knew you’d see sense.”

“Where’s the pot?” Thomas mumbled. King smirked.

“Got something better than pot.”

“Wh-what?” Thomas asked. King glanced around before he slowly tugged Thomas up to his room. Thomas sat down on King’s bedspread. King turned to his desk and pulled out a small box. In it was a needle. Thomas pulled back. “George, I-”

“It’s good shit, Tommy. Clean needle as well. It makes you feel like you’re fucking flying,” King whispered. Thomas bit his lip. Nothing else helped. He just wanted the memory of Alexander’s blood pouring out to stop. He wanted to stop remembering his lover’s death.

“Does it hurt?”

“Of course not,” King murmured. He straddled Thomas and slowly ground down as he pulled off Thomas’s coat. Then his jacket. Then his shirt. Thomas stared up at him and gulped. “God, you’re hot, Tommy. Those pictures you sent me? I jerk off to them every night.”

_Thomas punched the wall as he saw blood dribbling down his hands. He screamed until his throat was raw and then curled in on himself, sobbing. He wanted to be free. He just wanted to be free._

“I want it,” Thomas whispered. He wanted to stop thinking. He wanted to spend a night as free as King was describing.

King grinned and grabbed a tie, pulling it around Thomas’s arm as a makeshift tourniquet. He found a vein far too quickly for this to be his first time and injected Thomas. Thomas gasped as he felt the cold liquid enter his body but then King was on him, tugging at his belt.

Thomas closed his eyes and let himself be taken by that sensation of nothingness the drug promised.

 

Thomas stared at the sunlight streaming in through the window. He sniffled gently.

“You know, since you started dating the whore you’re even better,” King murmured. Thomas jumped, having not realised the man was awake. King kissed him again and Thomas sighed.

“Got more drugs?” Thomas asked softly. King pulled back and frowned.

“You know, I almost feel like you don’t love me, Tommy.”

Thomas thought of the blood dribbling down Alexander’s naked body, how he’d been so fucking pale, so cold. His eyes had rolled back into his head. Thomas surged forwards and kissed King, causing the teenager to slam him back down.

“Come on, George. I know you like to hurt people,” Thomas breathed out. “Do your fucking worst.”

Thomas deserved it after all.

 

Thomas limped back into his house, purple coat still pulled tight around him. There was a small bag of weed in his pocket but it wouldn’t last long. They both knew that. A couple of days and he’d be chasing after King again.

Thomas walked up to his room, ready to collapse on his bed. He paused as he saw it was already occupied.

“Hey, Thomas,” Angelica said sharply. “Love the hickies. Really complement the weed smell.”

“Who the fuck let you two in?” Thomas groaned as he sat down, ignoring James.

“Your mom. She’s worried,” James said gently. Thomas swallowed. He fucking hated that tone of voice. He didn’t deserve it. Not when Alexander was bleeding out in his hands, blood dribbling onto the carpet and Thomas’s voice was being ripped apart by his screams and-

“Hey,” Angelica said softly. Thomas jumped and stared at her. “Are you okay?”

“Course.”

“Thomas-”

“I said I’m fine,” Thomas snapped out. He reached a shaky _bloodstained_ hand into his pocket and grabbed for the weed before he sat down at his desk and pulled out his lighter.

“You’re lighting up in here?” James asked in disgust.

“You want out, door’s there,” Thomas snapped out. As he lit the spliff he didn’t notice the look the two sent each other.

“Something’s wrong,” Angelica said softly. “And if you need to get high to deal with it then it’s really wrong.”

“I saw my boyfriend bleeding out. I think I’m fucking allowed to self-medicate,” Thomas snapped out. “Anyway it’s just weed.”

“And the hickies?” Angelica asked.

“Sex.” Thomas sucked in a long breath and held it for a long moment. He slowly let it out. “I’m eighteen, I’m overage.”

“You’re dating someone.”

“He left me!” Thomas shouted. “He left me and then fucking bled out in my arms! You don’t get it! No-one gets it! That stupid therapist doesn’t get it! My parents don’t get it! Alexander gets it but I can’t see him because I’m not family! I- I need to see him!” Thomas sat back and scowled. “For fucks sake.” He moved forwards and crawled across the desk, pushing the window open.

“Thomas, not when you’re high,” James said softly. Thomas ignored him and moved forwards until his legs were out of the room, balancing on nothing. Thomas shrugged his coat off and scratched at his arm. He felt James joining him and heard James’s sigh. “Who gave you that shit?”

“King.”

“And fucked you in exchange? Jesus, Thomas,” James muttered. “That’s pros-”

“It’s not fucking prostitution, okay? It’s just- it’s just the easiest way to get hold of drugs,” Thomas mumbled, watching ashes fall onto the roof. James followed his gaze and sighed as he saw previous butts.

“Are they cigarettes?”

“Course not.”

“Then you’re not keeping them here. This still isn’t legal in this state, or have you forgotten?”

“James-”

“Or I will go and tell your mom what you’re doing.”

Thomas was silent at that for a long moment before he stared at James.

“You play dirty.”

“With you, it’s the only way to win.”

Thomas smiled weakly and stared out over the neighbourhood. He sighed.

“I can feel his blood on my hands,” Thomas whispered. He shakily extended a hand to James who took it and frowned, noticing the red and raised patches.

“How-”

“Turns out, bleach fucking hurts,” Thomas murmured. “My mom flipped out when she saw that. I- I wasn’t an idiot. I watered it down.”

“You put fucking bleach on your hands?” James whispered, eyes wide. Thomas sighed and leaned his head against the window frame.

“I can see him dying, James. Every time I close my eyes. I can see him bleeding out. And- and hey, maybe I deserve a bit of bleach on my hands for that. At least it stops me remembering… that.”

“You don’t,” Angelica stated. She sat down in the desk chair behind them. “Trust me, you don’t. Eliza’s- Eliza’s burns aren’t healing, Thomas.”

“I watered the bleach down so it was barely even bleach anymore,” Thomas mumbled. His eyes were beginning to slip shut. “Just- just burnt a bit.”

“Thomas…” James whispered.

“I want to stop seeing him die!” Thomas exclaimed. “I see my hands coated in his blood and all I know is that it’s my fucking fault because I tried to show off and pick the lock when I heard a thud. What the fuck did I think the thud was? How did I think he’d locked the door? But no, I decided to unpick a blocked door rather than break it down and in that time he- he-”

“He would have bled out anyway,” James stated. “Not bled out, nearly bled out. Thomas, you saved him. The ambulance wouldn’t have got there in time if it hadn’t been for you. You broke down the door and you think it’s your fault? What kind of logic is that? You saved his life.”

“The police didn’t delete his message when they gave me the phone back. So- so I can hear it. Whenever I want. I can hear my boyfriend talking about how he was raped and nearly murdered because I couldn’t fucking cope.”

“Have you talked to your therapist about this?” James asked quietly. Thomas scoffed.

“She’s so- I tell her something and she just fucking asks how it makes me feel. Do you- how does it make me feel? Angry. Empty. Frustrated. Ready to murder Adams and Reynolds.” Thomas put the spliff to his lips again and took a drag. He sighed. “Empty.”

“Come on, Thomas,” James murmured. “You have to talk to her.”

“Why? Why do I have to talk to anyone?” Thomas laughed as he reached the end of the spliff. He shook his sleeve down and slammed the butt into his arm. Angelica yelped and James pulled back in horror. Thomas just stared as the hot ash slowly burned through the skin and the smell permeated the air. James grabbed his hand and pulled it away, pushing the remains into the guttering. Thomas watched it go, numbly.

“Jesus Christ, Thomas,” James breathed out. “What’s going on?” Thomas laughed and shook his head.

“I saw my boyfriend die, James. Turns out it fucks you up.” Thomas slid back into his room and lay down on his bed, closing his eyes. “Now then, I’m going the fuck to sleep before the nightmares come back. So get out.”

Angelica and James exchanged glances before James pulled the blanket over Thomas. Angelica sat down, watching the door. Thomas scowled.

“What are you doing?” Thomas mumbled. James smiled sadly.

“Being good friends. We’ll be here when you wake up.”

Thomas opened his mouth to snap something out but then paused and just let his eyes close, too exhausted to do anything else.


	4. Chapter 4

The first thing Amanda did the next morning was walk down to Alexander’s room with her school bag. She knocked softly on the door before entering. He was staring at her, eyes wide open, but relaxed as he saw who it was.

“I’m not a pipsqueak,” Amanda declared. “I’m not even that short!”

A tiny smile crept across Alexander’s face as Amanda sat down on the floor in front of him. He made no move to get up but she could see some of the tension draining from his body.

“I gotta do homework,” Amanda announced, pulling out her maths textbook. Alexander stared at her with a frown. She sat down against the bed and Alexander shifted back ever so slightly. “You don’t like me touching you which is okay. I don’t like lotta things. Maths for one thing.”

“Got that one wrong,” Alexander mumbled, pointing at an equation. Amanda stared at it and scowled.

“You’re a nerd, aren’t you?”

Alexander smiled weakly and pointed to the part where she’d got it wrong. She scowled as she began editing it.

The two sat in near silence as the sun rose. Alexander stared down over Amanda’s shoulder at her workings, pointing when she got something wrong. At some point when the sun had fully risen a knock came at the door. Alexander tensed in fear and Amanda glanced back at him.

“Alexander? I’m coming in.”

The door opened to reveal the same teenager from last night. Lafayette paused as he saw Amanda.

“Amanda, what are you doing here?”

“I got bored.”

“Alexander needs to rest.”

“’S fine,” Alexander croaked out. “Good company.”

Amanda glanced at him and smiled. He smiled back slightly and Lafayette paused.

“It is good to see you happier, Alexander. It- it is breakfast time.”

Alexander’s smile dropped off his face and he shook his head. Lafayette sighed gently.

“Come on, petit, it-”

“I don’t like breakfast either,” Amanda announced. She shoved her textbook back into her bag. “Why don’t you like it?”

Alexander stared at her for a moment before he turned to his side and pulled up his shirt. She blinked in surprise as she saw a small hole in his side.

“Alexander is fed through a tube,” Lafayette said softly. “It goes to his stomach. To bypass his throat.”

“Oh,” Amanda whispered. “So- so breakfast is-”

“Forcing food in me. Had enough of it.” Alexander glared at Lafayette who sighed. “Fuck off, Laf.”

“Come on, petit, I know this is not you.”

Alexander shrugged and shifted backwards. Amanda scowled.

“I don’t wanna go to breakfast alone,” Amanda said quietly. “Can you come with me? Please?”

Alexander paused and stared at her for a long moment. Lafayette sighed.

“Come on, Amanda. We can-”

“I want Alexander. Will you?”

“Okay, Pipsqueak.” Alexander sighed and he glanced at Lafayette. Lafayette moved forwards and moved the duvet off Alexander and carried him to the chair. Amanda frowned as she saw how easily Alexander was moved, how light he was.

He sat in the chair and had to catch his breath for a long moment. Lafayette held the glass to his lips and Alexander slowly sipped it. He nodded after a moment and curled back in on himself.

As he did so, his sleeve slipped down and Amanda stared at the deep scar around his left wrist.

“Handcuffs,” Alexander whispered. Amanda looked up and stared at him. Lafayette paused and stared. Amanda nodded and slipped the edge of her top down to reveal a deep scar across her shoulder.

“My dad got drunk and threw a bottle at me. It broke on my head and went in my shoulder. Got infected.”

“Alexander’s injuries are different, young one,” Lafayette said softly. Alexander shook his head and smiled.

“Still a scar.”

Amanda smiled in response.

“Still a scar.”

 

**From: Angel**

**Any news on Alexander?**

**From: Hon Hon Oui**

**He’s recovering. Slowly**

**From: E-Lizard**

**Can we visit him?**

**From: Hon Hon Oui**

**No.**

**From: John**

**Time frame?**

**From: Hon Hon Oui**

**Impossible to say**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**It’s a miracle he’s alive. Let’s be glad of that**

**From: Jemmy**

**No-one was saying we weren’t, Aaron**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**Well fucking give him space and time to heal**

**From: Pegster**

**What crawled up your ass and died?**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**Fuck off, Peggy**

**From: E-Lizard**

**Can we just calm down?**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**Control your sister then**

**From: Angel**

**You’re out of line, Aaron**

**From: Hon Hon Oui**

**We should calm down**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**He flinches whenever you get near him. He goes silent. Alexander Hamilton goes silent**

**From: Herc**

**How the fuck would we know that? We haven’t seen him since the hospital because it’s family only!**

**From: E-Lizard**

**Please can we just stop arguing?**

**From: John**

**It’s Alexander. His rapists are in prison and he’s getting help. He’s not going to be hurt anymore**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**You can’t promise that! What if his therapist decides to take advantage of him?**

**From: Angel**

**Don’t be ridiculous, Aaron**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**Fine, what if his next partner does?**

**From: Jemmy**

**Thomas wouldn’t do that**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**It’s not like he’s here to defend himself, is it?**

**From: E-Lizard**

**Stop. Please.**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**He was raped and abused under our noses and you ask for a fucking time scale?**

**From: John**

**I want to know when I get my friend back!**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**Never! That’s the point!**

**From: Jemmy**

**Chill, Aaron**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**He isn’t going to get better because you fucking don’t! You don’t get better from this! You can’t! Your day is full of nightmares and your nights is full of remembering it! There’s no escape from this!**

**From: Herc**

**Alexander is stronger than you**

**From: E-Lizard**

**STOP IT**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**You’re no different**

**From: E-Lizard**

**I know. I can’t do this right now. Tell us when he can talk**

**[E-Lizard has left the chat]**

**From: Angel**

**Fuck**

**[Angel has left the chat]**

**From: Pegster**

**Fuck you, Burr**

**[Pegster has left the chat]**

**From: A-A-Ron**

**I didn’t mean that**

**From: Herc**

**Maybe you should fucking listen to yourself more. Talk less**

**[Herc has kicked A-A-Ron from the chat]**

**From: Hon Hon Oui**

**Merde**

**From: Jemmy**

**He didn’t deserve that, Herc**

**From: Herc**

**I don’t care. I still don’t trust him**

**From: Hon Hon Oui**

**Well learn to**

**[Hon Hon Oui has left the chat]**

 

Aaron flicked the lighter open and pressed it against his arm. He paused as the door opened but he didn’t move.

“Do not,” Lafayette whispered. Aaron sighed.

“You’ve seen him. He’s broken.” Aaron shifted over as Lafayette sat down. Lafayette took his arm and stared at the new injuries. “I deserve the same.”

“Neither of you deserve it,” Lafayette murmured. He sighed before he leant his head against Aaron’s head. “I told you to come to me the next time the urge hit.”

“I can’t come running to you every time just because you’re my…” Aaron trailed off and glanced at him, looking scared. Lafayette looked away. “You’re my friend.”

“I-”

“A friend who’s fucked me,” Aaron muttered. He flicked the lighter on and winced. “A friend who’d do it again.”

“I am French. Sometimes these things happen.”

Aaron chuckled at that and shook his head.

“No they don’t. But I guess uncles don’t-” Aaron’s face dropped and Lafayette sighed.

“Worried over therapy?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Aaron mumbled.

“Understandable, it will probably be difficult.”

“I didn’t mean to trigger Eliza. Just- no-one seems to be listening.”

“We listen, Aaron.” Lafayette took Aaron’s hand, covering the lighter. “We are not as skilled as you are but we do try to listen.”

“I wanna talk to Alexander,” Aaron whispered. “But that isn’t Alexander. Adams and Reynolds they- they killed Alexander. And left us with a husk who…”

“He didn’t mean to do that.”

“Isn’t that worse?” Aaron snapped out. “He didn’t mean to bow down in front of me, nearly screwing up his leg.”

“It- it is all so confusing, Aaron. I do not know how to advise you but this?” Lafayette held up their shared hand, still covering the lighter. “Is not the way.” Aaron stared at him for a moment before he leant forwards and gently kissed Lafayette.

Lafayette blinked in surprise, grip loosening and the lighter fell to the floor as Aaron moved his hands to slowly trailing up Lafayette’s skin underneath his shirt. Aaron then pulled the shirt off and continued to kiss Lafayette deeply. Lafayette moaned into the kiss as Aaron shifted to straddle him and began undoing his pants.

Aaron slipped a hand into Lafayette’s underwear and he moaned. Just as he did, the door swung open. Aaron leapt away, like he’d been burned.

Aaron stared at the girl stood in the doorway, obviously confused.

“Washington wants Aaron downstairs,” Amanda mumbled out before turning on her heel and running away. Aaron stared after her before he sighed and deflated. Lafayette turned to face him, breathing heavily.

“We agreed no sex. N-no sex until we work out what-”

“I’m sorry, okay?” Aaron mumbled. “Sex is- I thought if you fucked me then I’d- I’d be able to blank out. Like I used to. The lighter isn’t working anymore.”

Lafayette scowled at that and grabbed for his shirt, pulling it on roughly and muttering French curses under his breath. He grabbed the lighter and pocketed it as well. He reached the doorway and looked back to see Aaron still on the floor, looking pathetic and small and just so very broken.

“Do not use me to hurt yourself. Do not use my feelings to hurt yourself. Don’t you fucking dare.”

With that, Lafayette slammed out of the room and Aaron felt tears prickling in his eyes. His uncle was right, people did only want him for sex.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo, if you are in a position to get therapy then get therapy. Having a support network and friends is very important but therapy is better. This fic will show various ways of people interacting with therapy but this is fiction. Please, don't take this as reality

Aaron sat in front of his therapist, staring around the room. It was nicely decorated, subtle colours around the room. There was a glass of water next to him and a packet of tissues.

“Aaron?”

Aaron looked up to his therapist and smiled.

“What?”

“I asked why you were here today,” The woman’s voice was soft, everything about her seemed purposefully unthreatening. Aaron plastered a soft smile to his face.

“My foster father wanted me to come. I’m not entirely sure why. Well, I ran into some… problems at school. I think that was it.”

“Ah okay. And it has nothing to do with your foster brother being kidnapped and raped?”

Aaron froze and stared at her for several long moments. She sighed.

“Aaron, I want to help, that’s all. I can’t do that if you’re not honest with me. I know that what Alex went through-”

“Alexander,” Aaron spat out. “His name is Alexander and you can’t fucking imagine it.” He grabbed his bag and stood, striding to the door. He walked to the waiting room where Lafayette was staring out the window and grabbed him by the hand.

“Aaron?” Lafayette asked in confusion. Aaron pulled them both out of the office and into Lafayette’s car. As soon as they were there, Aaron launched himself at Lafayette, kissing him and scrabbling at his belt.

Lafayette groaned but pushed Aaron back firmly.

“Stop this. Stop it I said!” Lafayette snapped. Aaron stared at him before he slowly sat back. “You cannot just kiss me when you want to hurt yourself, Aaron! It is not fair.”

“I can’t do this, alright?” Aaron muttered. “I can’t- I can’t be a good patient. I can’t be a good anything, okay? So hit me, burn me, do something! I can’t take this!”

“Aaron, please, please let us go back up there. Dr Jones is a good woman. A good therapist.”

“I- I can’t,” Aaron whispered. “I just can’t.”

Lafayette sighed and nodded slowly. He started the car up and began to drive. Aaron shifted until he was staring out the window.

“You have to talk to someone,” Lafayette said softly. “You are falling apart, Aaron. I do not intend to allow another friend of mine to self-destruct.”

“Therapy won’t help me.” Aaron admitted softly. He breathed out a heavy breath. “Laf, I- I haven’t- I haven’t been entirely honest with you.”

“Go on.”

“My uncle’s getting out of prison,” Aaron whispered.

“Not for many years. It-”

“Three months,” Aaron stated. “He has three months left on his sentence. And then he’s going to try and adopt me.”

Lafayette was silent as he pulled over to the side of the road and stared at Aaron.

“You are joking,” Lafayette stated. Aaron looked away and Lafayette stared at him in shock. “You… are not? He raped you!”

“He didn’t…” Aaron sighed. “He didn’t cum in me so it-”

“Do not finish that sentence,” Lafayette growled out. Aaron swallowed and nodded. Lafayette gripped the steering wheel and sighed, “I am sorry, Aaron. I find it difficult when you try to defend that man’s intentions.”

“After the case I was still in shock,” Aaron admitted softly. “I didn’t want to do anything. Alexander protected me but- but I had no emotion in my statements. I broke down afterwards. My uncle argued it was just- just him teaching me to be better. So he got a short sentence. A few years, let out early for good behaviour.”

“This man nearly killed you, impregnated your sister and raped you!” Lafayette spat out. “What the fuck?”

“No-one else knows about the rape,” Aaron whispered. “Or Sarah.”

“This is why you have been acting so strangely?”

“He sent me a letter,” Aaron pulled it out of his jacket with shaking hands. “And- and he ends it with- with ‘all my love’ and, fuck-” Aaron sucked in a breath and stared out the window. “I- I know Sarah won’t testify without me testifying. So- so either I need to bend over and let him fuck me for a few months before I got to college or tell the world about how he tried to molest me for years.”

“Aaron-”

“And even then, I have no proof, Laf! I- I don’t have pictures of bruises or a rape kit. Fuck, Alexander doesn’t have much going for him but he has that. He has a complete rape kit and their semen and he has proof. I have nightmares that I can’t even think about.”

“May I hug you?”

Aaron stared out the window for several long moments before he sighed.

“I don’t want him to control my life but he does. He always will.”

“Aaron-”

“I can’t stop it,” Aaron whispered. “The- the only way- the only way- I might be able to- if I go to him. If I talk to him, make him see sense.”

“He’s a monster. He will not see sense.”

“Then I have no choice, do I?” Aaron snapped out, curling into himself. “My friends hate me. My sister abandoned me. My brother-” Aaron swallowed harshly and shook his head. “Fucking hell, Laf, I hate this. I- I feel so helpless.”

“You’re not.” Lafayette took Aaron’s hand and squeezed it gently. “You’re here with me. You’re safe.”

“I’m never safe, Laf. I’m just waiting for the next horror show to start.”

 

Alexander glanced over as the door opened. Aaron stepped into the room and stared at him. Alexander smiled weakly.

“You’re meant to be in therapy,” Alexander whispered. Aaron winced at the sound of his voice and Alexander frowned.

“I- I got mad at her. Stormed off.”

“You should talk less.” Alexander watched Aaron sniffle and then move to sit on the bed. Aaron paused before he sat on the floor.

“Everyone wants me to talk more.”

“They don’t know you then.”

Aaron was silent for a long moment before he began picking at the carpet.

“I tried to fuck Laf,” Aaron whispered shamefully. Alexander frowned at that. “I- I don’t know what came over me. I wish I could say it was conditioning but it wasn’t. I wanted it. I- I wanted him. I still do.”

“Then talk, dumbass.”

“Why would he want this?” Aaron asked, pulling down his sleeve to show a long line of burns and scars. Alexander stared at him for a moment and Aaron continued talking. “If he wanted a fuck I could do that. If he wanted to hit me I could do that. But if he wants to love me? How- how can he do that? He’s so… and I’m just… I fucked my own uncle! I-”

“Rape.”

“What?”

“He raped you.”

“Then why does it feel like I’m to blame?” Aaron whispered. Alexander sighed and shrugged.

“I don’t know.” Alexander stared down at Aaron with sad eyes. “Cause life hates us?” Aaron chuckled wetly.

“Y-yeah. Sounds about right.”


End file.
